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Marriage is perhaps the greatest decision and life-changing experience anyone will ever face, yet with all its implications on the lives of the couple, it is possibly the least informed decision most people make. Having received most knowledge of marriage from family experience and an unrealistic portrayal of marriage in movies and television, most couples entering into marriage do so with false expectations and very little understanding of the true meaning of the marriage covenant. In the end, most couples spend countless hours and resources planning their wedding but forget to plan their marriage.
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| Because of the influence of our culture, couples that want to get married, lay out a relatively structured plan that includes among other things budgets, schedules, and entertainment. Finances are discussed from the moment that marriage is first mentioned. Indeed money plays such an important role in our American culture, that it is common to hear couples talking about their wedding date in relation to their economic condition and frequently couples will only discuss their wedding as it relates to the money that will be spent. Money has become such an important part of the wedding process that pre-nuptial agreements are becoming a staple in our American society. Suffice it to say that they are missing the point. The success of the marriage is not contingent upon how much is spent on flowers, fine dining, or live entertainment, but rather on the work of the couple who commit themselves to this union. Although finances play a very significant role, the success of a marriage is not measured in dollars, honeymoon destinations, or real estate investments. Money is a very powerful thing and most people never have enough even if they have more than most people. |
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Given that our culture is heavily influenced by the pursuit of material goods, many people have become very adept in programming their daily lives in order to make the best of their time and thus enjoy the things they work so hard for. This partitioning of time plays a very important role in the planning of a wedding. Everything from the time the ceremony will begin to the time the Best Man will deliver his speech is taken care of in minute detail. Time is allocated for drinks, appetizers, the main course, coffee, desserts, music, dancing, pictures, etc. So much must be done for the “big day” that everyone who has an opinion will make sure they are heard. The stress that comes with the wedding is only compounded by family members who insist on crossing ill defined boundaries and intrude on the decision making process as if the wedding were theirs. |
| Given all the planning and the stress associated with the wedding celebration, it would seem that the lifelong commitment that follows should be at the very least, equally well planned out. But how much time is purposely and willingly set aside for pre-marriage counseling or workshops? Where does something like “Pre-Cana” or “Camino” which are required by the Catholic Church fit in? For the majority, these are only given attention when the couple is told that it is a pre-wedding requirement. I even dare say that most haven’t the slightest idea at what the vocation of the married couple is. Couples are unaware that investing time in pre-marriage workshops and counseling affords them the time to step back and reevaluate their relationship. Devoting time to assessing the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship gives couples a strong foundation upon which to build their marriage. It makes available the tools and skills necessary for a successful and lasting union. The wedding is without a doubt a pivotal moment in the marriage process, but remains just that – a moment. No matter how much time and money has been invested in its planning, the wedding offers no guarantee to a good marriage and the distinction between both must be made. Planning a wedding should begin with planning the marriage; the wedding lasts only a few hours, but the marriage lasts a lifetime. |
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